May I Have Your References, Please?

Last week I had four last-minute Autumnal weddings come my way in two days’ time, three for September and one for early October. I certainly look forward to working with each of these couples!

At the same time, I was amazed by the fact that three out of the four couples had found their way to me after having the unnerving experience with their previous officiant not only pulling out at the last minute, but also not providing any suggestions or guidance as to how to find a replacement officiant. It strikes me as rather unprofessional and downright rude to put people in such a difficult position so close to their scheduled wedding date. I’m rather stunned that these officiants appear to have taken their commitments to these couples so lightly.

So I just want to remind couples that when looking for an officiant for your wedding ceremony, it is a good idea to ask for references so that you can contact people who have actually worked with her or him before. Of course, I cannot say for sure that checking references would have made a significant difference for any of the couples I met last week. Each was coming from a unique situation which may or may not have been clarified ahead of time with the help of references.

But, in light of the key role that your officiant plays in your wedding day, it will likely be well worth it to take a little extra time earlier in your process of selecting an officiant to contact a several of her or his references. This way you can be assured that you have made the best selection possible.

Certainly I know that even with the best references, you cannot be 100% sure of anything. But at least you will know that you have done everything you can to be assured of the quality and reliability of your wedding officiant, so that you can have the meaningful and personal wedding ceremony you so richly deserve.

"A Lovely and Special Celebration"

Angela Pechenino Romo sent the following testimonial and photo:

"We used Ruth Ellen Hasser from St. Louis Ceremonies for our May 22, 2010 wedding at the St. Louis Zoo. Ruth Ellen was basically a pinch-hitter for us—our original officiant decided to take a sabbatical and kindly arranged for us to have Ruth Ellen stand in instead. Being as I was in California attempting to plan a wedding in Missouri, we didn’t meet right away, but corresponded by e-mail for a few months until I was next in town. We first met at a St Louis Bread about 2 months before the wedding, and the moment we did, it felt like we’d been friends for years. She was very kind and considerate and she certainly helped me turn my 'I want a simple ceremony' sentiment into a lovely and special celebration. We corresponded via e-mail, sending ideas and scripts back and forth about 3 times before we were both satisfied that my groom and I had what we wanted. The groom and I waffled about having a rehearsal the day before the wedding until a couple of weeks before the big day, and when we finally decided that we needed to have one, Ruth Ellen was nothing but understanding and gracious, and showed up with a smile to run our short but sweet rehearsal. The ceremony on the day of the wedding went off exactly as we had discussed, and she never veered from our agreed-upon script. Through the entire process, she was calm and helpful, and my groom and I never once had any doubt that she was the correct person to marry us. We would certainly still be married if another person had performed the ceremony, but Ruth Ellen really made the day a special one."

Thanks, Angela!

Botanical Gardens Wedding: Valerie & Jon

They chose one of my favorite readings for their wedding: Robert Fulgham’s “Union.” I think it is a favorite of mine because, among other things, it shows an appreciation for the importance of both words and ceremony in our lives. The reading concludes with this thought:

Before this moment you have been many things to one another- acquaintance, friend, companion, lover, dancing partner, and even teacher, for you have learned much from one another in these last few years. Now you shall say a few words that take you across a threshold of life, and things will never quite be the same between you. For after these vows, you shall say to the world, this- is my husband, this- is my wife.

Valerie and Jon, thank you for allowing me to witness your crossing of that threshold. Congratulations!